He Had It Coming...

Trevor - "A wardrobe fell on me once."

Russell - "I don't blame it."

Only Russell May Sing

Russell - *sings* Trevor have you lived in some interesting places?"

Trevor - *starts to sing* Oh I have Russell Brannd*

Russell - "TREVOR! ONLY I MAY SING!"

Kissing Trevor

Trevor: 'Matt - he's going to kiss me before the end of the show.'

Russell: 'I will NEVER kiss Trevor Lock! To all our listeners - I will NEVER kiss him! It'll be a cold day in hell before I kiss those scabby little labia, those grim facial scars, that slash that passes for a gob! I'll never kiss that mouth Trevor! There are no circumstances—'

Matt: 'Listen, when you two have stopped flirting... I'm still doing a cultural review.'

Unlocked

Trev: 'It's a soundscape that I've created that if you can unlock, will reveal to you a well-known song title—'

Russell: 'The only thing that needs to be unLOCKed is this radio show.'

Trevor In Afghanistan

Russell: Have you got any stories about new year?

Trevor: Yeah, well one of the customs I learnt was...

Russell: In Peru?

Trevor: Afghanistan this was

Matt: You've haven't been to Afghanistan

Russell: They wouldn't trust you there, there was a war on

Trevor: Before the war

Matt: That was going on when you were a child, the Russian war

Trevor: I wasn't in the Russian war, was I. It was after the end of the Russian war

Russell: What were you doing between wars in Afghanistan?!

Trev Can't Draw

Trevor drew a picture of what he wanted his hair to look like while visiting a foreign hairdresser. He believed they thought he wanted a pedicure after looking at the picture prompting this:

Matt: "How bad was your drawing that it looked more like a foot than a head?"

Trev's Haircut

Trevor was at a hairdressers in Peru -

Trevor - "She [the hairdresser] indicated to me a side room, so I went into that with her... and... eh... she got a bucket out..."

Russell - "Trevor! This storie's making me anxious"

Matt - "What did she do? Milk you?"

And a Sandwich...

Trevor: "... and there was a lady witch and a man witch and-"

Russell: "And a sandwich."

Trevor Loves Russ

Russell: "Do you love me, mate?"

Trevor: "I do sometimes."

Russell: "Well, what about this time?"

Trevor: "I didn't love you last night when I was on that sofa, listening to those sounds, clutching your cat for warmth."

Russell: "You shouldn't have-- The sounds were probably coming from the cat."

Trevor's Dinkle

Trevor: "He walked into the bathroom and saw my dinkle."

Russell: "Oh my God! Why? Why would you even leave it in there?"

Vanity

(Trevor claimed the sin he was most guilty of was vanity)

Russell: "If you went to the gates of heaven and God asked you if you'd committed any of the seven sins and you said 'Vanity', I think he'd look you up and down and say 'Come on in mate, don't worry about it''.

Happy New Year

Russell: "Happy new year Trev. I see you didn't get any new clothes for Christmas."

Fudge Song

This was sung to Trevor on his "special day":

Russell: "We're very sorry Trevor. We love you very muuuuch. Kiss and cuddle Trevor...GIVE HIM LOTS OF FUUUUDGE!"

You've Seen Me Dance...

(During a night out on the town, some guys picked a fight with Trevor, Matt stuck up for him to avoid an actual fight. Trevor made the following remark to the ladies that were with them that night)

"Ladies, you've seen me dance but you don't wanna see me fight."

Summer Mugging

(Trevor is telling a story about being mugged)

Trevor: "It was a summer mugging."

Russell & Matt: "Summer mugging, had me a blast!"

The Guilded Balloon Wine Bar

(Trevor was trying to promote a gig while they were at the Edinburgh Festival)

Russell: "So it's in the Gilded Balloon, in a wine bar."

Trevor: "The GILDED BALLOON WINE BAR."

Russell: "Oh sorry!! Oh great.... all the greats have played there... Remember when Lenny Bruce was there? At the Gildedballoonwinebar.... the Gildedballoonwinebar.... GILDEDBALLOONWINEBAR!" (to infinity)

The Alsatian Incident

Matt - "An Alsatian was having sex with me when I was... not having sex with me, humping me"

Russell - "Do you remember this vividly Matt?"

Matt - "No, I was told about this by my family, my nan was going 'Oh, we were very worried about you, couple of days you weren't right after this"

Russell - "Couple of days? Three decades have passed and you're still a bit odd"

Trevor - "When you see a dog now how does it make you feel?"

Matt - "Just...randy."