Noel: "Has anyone got... anyone got any booze..?"
Russell: "No, there's not any booze! What do you think this is?! It's not 1995! What's wrong with you?!"
Matt:" You're so judgemental. I walked in with a can of Magners and it was as if I had a crack pipe"
Russell: "Other ciders are available.. What's wrong with you boys? Be professional!"
Matt: "We can have a drink without going crazy and jumping on top of a van, taking our clothes off, and punching a prostitute in the face!"
Showing posts with label russell brand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label russell brand. Show all posts
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Russ Makes Things Difficult
Matt: You made that much harder than it needed to be
Russell: What? How?
Matt: By being a drug addict!
Russell: What? How?
Matt: By being a drug addict!
Under The Sea
Russell: If I did a stand up gig under the sea I wouldn't be in a gas rig I'd just be down there shouting my mouth off at an octopus "Hey you, do you know how many drugs I used to take? Byeeeee!"
Friday, April 2, 2010
Under The Sea
Russell: If I did a stand up gig under the sea I wouldn't be in a gas rig I'd just be down there shouting my mouth off at an octopus "Hey you, do you know how many drugs I used to take? Byeeeee!"
Only Russell May Sing
Russell - *sings* Trevor have you lived in some interesting places?"
Trevor - *starts to sing* Oh I have Russell Brannd*
Russell - "TREVOR! ONLY I MAY SING!"
Trevor - *starts to sing* Oh I have Russell Brannd*
Russell - "TREVOR! ONLY I MAY SING!"
The Revolution
Russell: "You wait, you wait until I'm all nice and properly famous then we'll have the revolution.."
Matt: "You keep saying that, it keeps getting more and more, 'Wait till I get a base on the moon!' nothing's ever going to change"
Russell: "It will mate, honest. Once I've got that moon base..."
Matt: "You keep saying that, it keeps getting more and more, 'Wait till I get a base on the moon!' nothing's ever going to change"
Russell: "It will mate, honest. Once I've got that moon base..."
Void
Russell: ...this is what I wrote, or what someone, mysterious wrote. 'Oblivious to the cliche of the void, irritated, riled, annoyed.' Right and even when she read that back she goes, "Oh that's a bad rhyme, to rhyme annoyed and void, it's called a weak rhyme. Or something like that. She goes, "Oh we have a special word for that in poetry circles it's called a gay rhyme," or something like that. Trying to use some juvenile, derogatory comment. "Oh we call that a *makes fart noises* poem, that's the special word we use." Gee, you're a poet...
Gee: She's made that up.
Russell: She's made that up! She's made it up to hurt me!
Matt: You're just bitter about this.
Russell: I'm not bitter. Then Matt's put 'What are the homeless carrying?' Which is nice you know, I've not got a problem with Matt's poems.
Matt: I was wondering why they have all them carrier bags with stuff in them.
Russell: Why have the homeless got so much stuff?! Look, if you're gonna be homeless.. COMMIT to it. Stop having so much stuff! Wandering round with a flatpack Ikea bed under one arm and a cuckoo clock under the other. Either you're homeless or you're not, GET A GRIP!
Gee: She's made that up.
Russell: She's made that up! She's made it up to hurt me!
Matt: You're just bitter about this.
Russell: I'm not bitter. Then Matt's put 'What are the homeless carrying?' Which is nice you know, I've not got a problem with Matt's poems.
Matt: I was wondering why they have all them carrier bags with stuff in them.
Russell: Why have the homeless got so much stuff?! Look, if you're gonna be homeless.. COMMIT to it. Stop having so much stuff! Wandering round with a flatpack Ikea bed under one arm and a cuckoo clock under the other. Either you're homeless or you're not, GET A GRIP!
Noel & Customs
Russell: "I bet Noel's had trouble with customs in his time, hasn't he?"
Matt: "Yeah, remember he told us a story about that -"
Russell: "- The English custom of eating with a knife and fork, for example. I've seen him ploughing through a Shepherds pie with his elbow.."
Matt: "Yeah, remember he told us a story about that -"
Russell: "- The English custom of eating with a knife and fork, for example. I've seen him ploughing through a Shepherds pie with his elbow.."
Russ & Matt's Children
When talking about Les - Russell's (American) driver
Russell - "I've got a driver cause i happen to be over here, working my hardest so that your children don't grow up in disgusting poverty, alright? so bear that in mind . . . "
Matt - "Those are OUR children !"
Russell - "I've got a driver cause i happen to be over here, working my hardest so that your children don't grow up in disgusting poverty, alright? so bear that in mind . . . "
Matt - "Those are OUR children !"
School Report
Matt: We were going along in the taxi on the way here looking for our school reports and I was saying "yeah... biology, business studies, French" and then Russell was going, "yeah... geography, swordfighting." ... SWORDFIGHTING! Can you imagine it?!
Russell: Yeah that's when I went to Italia Conti when I was sixteen. I left school, got a grant and went to Italia Conti... Oh this is good, this is for acting: "Russell Brand. What can I say about Russell that won't upset you? Really not a lot. I'm afraid he's wasted his year at the Academy; he's been to several of my classes but he's never been dressed correctly, and frankly, I became fed up with telling him. He puts very little effort into his work and what he puts in ain't up to much..." Bloody cheek.
Matt: What does that mean that you weren't dressed appropriately, how inappropriate could you be, before at a drama school, they say "that's bad?"
Russell: I was dressed as Dracula. It wouldn't have mattered but we were doing The Sound of Music! I dunno, I was just wearing my normal sort of attire, I did have that "cape of love" thing.
Russell: Yeah that's when I went to Italia Conti when I was sixteen. I left school, got a grant and went to Italia Conti... Oh this is good, this is for acting: "Russell Brand. What can I say about Russell that won't upset you? Really not a lot. I'm afraid he's wasted his year at the Academy; he's been to several of my classes but he's never been dressed correctly, and frankly, I became fed up with telling him. He puts very little effort into his work and what he puts in ain't up to much..." Bloody cheek.
Matt: What does that mean that you weren't dressed appropriately, how inappropriate could you be, before at a drama school, they say "that's bad?"
Russell: I was dressed as Dracula. It wouldn't have mattered but we were doing The Sound of Music! I dunno, I was just wearing my normal sort of attire, I did have that "cape of love" thing.
Grudge 2
(Jonathan was referring to Russell's girlfriend simply as "Grudge 2" which she acted in)
Russell: "She's not actually called Grudge 2."
Jonathan: "She is now!"
Russell: "She's not actually called Grudge 2."
Jonathan: "She is now!"
Trashing Sneakers
Russell : "I've trashed my sneakers!"
Matt: "What does it mean? Been sick on your shoes?"
Matt: "What does it mean? Been sick on your shoes?"
Oxford Award
(Russell was being given an award at Oxford University)
Russell: "I'll probably go there, I'll get applauded by a lot of students, have it off with a couple of them, Bob's your Uncle, nice little certificate."
Matt: "DON'T give him that award, he doesn't deserve it, listen to what he just said!"
Russell - "No, I'll be nice, I do deserve it, I think. I remember now, I'll be good boy that day. Come on, give me me reward! RE-WARD! RE-WARD!"
Russell: "I'll probably go there, I'll get applauded by a lot of students, have it off with a couple of them, Bob's your Uncle, nice little certificate."
Matt: "DON'T give him that award, he doesn't deserve it, listen to what he just said!"
Russell - "No, I'll be nice, I do deserve it, I think. I remember now, I'll be good boy that day. Come on, give me me reward! RE-WARD! RE-WARD!"
Kenickie
Kenickie: "I'm recovering from my back operations, so I'm standing up almost straight. I'm not walking round like an ape anymore.."
Russell: "Oh, that's good you're not walking round like an ape, we've got one of the Gallagher brothers here, they specialise in that"
_________
Kenickie: "I don't want people to get the idea I'm an axe murderer or anything.."
Noel: "Well you do carry a hatchet, Jeff."
_________
Russell: "Ere, Jeff. We've got your new single to play, what's it called, mate?"
Kenickie: "This song is called 'Crazy'..."
Noel: "Is it autobiographical, Jeff?"
Russell: "Oh, that's good you're not walking round like an ape, we've got one of the Gallagher brothers here, they specialise in that"
_________
Kenickie: "I don't want people to get the idea I'm an axe murderer or anything.."
Noel: "Well you do carry a hatchet, Jeff."
_________
Russell: "Ere, Jeff. We've got your new single to play, what's it called, mate?"
Kenickie: "This song is called 'Crazy'..."
Noel: "Is it autobiographical, Jeff?"
Russell's Buckle Boots
Matt: "I don't like them, has your stylist seen them?"
Russell: "Uuh, actually she bought them. So..."
Matt: "She didn't."
Russell: "She bought them and she sent them on a bicycle or summit."
Matt: "I bet she went ahead fo you, thought oh, Russell's going shopping, saw them and thought oh my god he'll like those, bought them went to the coast to throw them in the sea and you bumped into her and went "Oh Sharon yoohoo! oooh what are they?"
Russell: "Oooh buckle boots!"
Russell: "Uuh, actually she bought them. So..."
Matt: "She didn't."
Russell: "She bought them and she sent them on a bicycle or summit."
Matt: "I bet she went ahead fo you, thought oh, Russell's going shopping, saw them and thought oh my god he'll like those, bought them went to the coast to throw them in the sea and you bumped into her and went "Oh Sharon yoohoo! oooh what are they?"
Russell: "Oooh buckle boots!"
Noel's Jeans
Noel: "A pair of jeans of mine went missing.. so.. I, eh.."
Russell: "That's an interesting story in it's self"
Noel: "I'm not going to go into it. I've explained it to Sara. She understands. The jeans have gone. They're not comming back."
*starts talking about Sara and Donovan for a while*...
Russell: "...yeah, I'm really glad you've got such a lovely son.. Now, about these jeans you left rapped around a lampost outside a gay club somewhere on sunset strip."
Russell: "That's an interesting story in it's self"
Noel: "I'm not going to go into it. I've explained it to Sara. She understands. The jeans have gone. They're not comming back."
*starts talking about Sara and Donovan for a while*...
Russell: "...yeah, I'm really glad you've got such a lovely son.. Now, about these jeans you left rapped around a lampost outside a gay club somewhere on sunset strip."
When I'm 64
(In reaction to hearing Russell's cover of When I'm 64):
Noel: 'Did you sing that in total darkness in the studio whilst on your tiptoes like Nosferatu? Cos it sounds like you did - Did you have a black top hat on and a big false nose on as well, like Rigsby?'
Noel: 'Did you sing that in total darkness in the studio whilst on your tiptoes like Nosferatu? Cos it sounds like you did - Did you have a black top hat on and a big false nose on as well, like Rigsby?'
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